Sunday at the Mall

*I'll warn you now, this post is a little long...*
With Emersyn's party fast approaching, we ran over to the mall to pick our super special goody bag gift... I won't tell you what it is, but logic would give you a really good idea considering the theme of her party. (wink wink)

While we were there, Emersyn walked most of the time. She did so great and was soooo incredibly well behaved. We got a few looks, stares and comments since she was proudly parading around with her little sunglasses on and her purse hanging on her arm. It was really funny seeing her "look" so grown up, especially since she's so darn tiny. I wish I would have snapped at least one picture of that, but I didn't know Chris had the camera on him from taking pictures and videos earlier at home.

One of the few times that I was carrying her, we were walking by the Build-a-Bear and Emersyn did ask "I go?" so we walked over. They had some new Dairy Queen bears in the front and she siad "I do peaz mahmee?"... We had planned on doing B.A.B.W. for her birthday anyways, so we figured now was a good a time as any. I did direct Emersyn to the cheaper animals and she instantly picked out a puppy. This was when I found out Chris had actually brought the camera because I said the one time I don't throw it in the bag is the one time I wish I had... Chris to the rescue. ;) She changed her mind when she saw this other puppy, and then we waited patiently for our turn at the stuffing machine. Emersyn actually stepped on the pedal this time! I had to help hold it down since she isn't quite heavy enough if she moves the slightest bit. Checking the firmness with a big hug... The puppy is all sealed up and ready for its bath. Emersyn not only picked the heart (just one), she even gave it a big kiss before putting it inside her dog. Giving "mah puhpee" a bath. Emersyn stood on the pedal here too... in fact she used it as a little step to reach the bath, but I had to help there too. She's just so itty bitty! Big smiles!!! She was so excited! Emersyn even typed everything in (minus our address information since that was going way too slow) and named her dog Blue. Blue even got blue bows for her ears, which made Emersyn even more excited! After B.A.B.W. she was still in such a good mood that I figured I'd run through Gymboree, Crazy8 and Janie & Jack real fast. They're just around the corner from Build-a-Bear anyway, and I just wanted to see the new collections in person since it's hard to tell the colors online. You know how I am! Well, the mall has a new play area right on the corner of the area my stores are at. It wasn't too packed, and Emersyn had been doing so good that we let her play for a bit. Chris said he's just amazed at how aware of her surroundings Emersyn is. She was watchful of the other kids and very polite. I guess daycare really pays off sometimes... Oh, yeah, um... gymnastics is to probably to blame for the confidence and fearless-ness it took for Emersyn to climb up here herself... without hesitation... Again, all her... When we got home, she (finally) went on the potty - more on that in a second - after we bribed her with her new book that I got at Pottery Barn Kids today. After reading it on the potty - twice - she came out, picked up Blue and sat like this for a solid 5 minutes. Notice the name of the book?!?! Yeah... so the whole potty training really went off track this weekend. Emersyn down right refused to get on the potty until this (late) afternoon when we got home and (slightly, kinda, sorta) bribed her with the new book. I thought we might have a little set back once the "big girl" was thrown out but I didn't think it'd be this far back. Oh, but Emersyn proudly told us "all duhh potty" right after she peed in the pull up. I've taken to full out bribbery now though. We've decided that for every time she goes on the potty, she gets a marshmellow. Hey, we'll sink to endless levels to get her potty trained before she totally loses interest (again)! LOL!! Stay tuned for more on that front. In the meantime, all the pictures and videos are at www.theswaderfarmily.shutterfly.com from this month... and, well, everything else.

Twinkle Toes

I love mornings like this!!

Marine Princess & Icing Queen

Now, as the proud wife of a Former Marine, I've been known to throw out an "ooh rah" when I see an EGA (Eagle, Globe and Anchor) or something. Chris too... not to mention that that's basically the only way to say hi to another Marine. But today we got quite a little surprise.

So apparently you can totally inherit the Ooh Rah spirit of the Marine Corps... Emersyn saw a tattoo of an EGA on one of the dad's at gymnastics today, walked up to him, pointed at his tattoo and said "ahtoo - ooh rah". No idea where she learned that from or how she knows what the EGA is/stands for. There's very few occassions where Chris has ever been more proud!

After gymnastics, we started on our second attempt at making a Lego cake for Emersyn's birthday... we learned why cake places can charge so much and that we were definitely buying the cake. But Emersyn really enjoyed the process... especially when I was trying out the edible (sugar) paper, since the backing of the paper itself touched the icing on the cake. I gave her the one piece so she could dip her little cupcake in the icing on the plastic backing, but Emersyn had other ideas! As always, the pictures are in the July album at www.theswaderfarmily.shutterfly.com along with all the videos. Happy viewing!

All Grown Up and Leaving...

Emersyn had another great potty day! Again, she only went twice in her diaper all day... And, again, both times she told her teachers that she had to go but they didn't get there quick enough. I'm pretty sure that's the end of our potty training for now though. Chris slipped and said something about "big girl diapers" or "big girl underwear" or something using the words "big girl". Emersyn immediately said "nooOO, I baybeeee" and refused to even try to go on the potty before we went to bed. We'll see how the weekend goes, but since she now thinks that going on the potty is for "big girls", I'm not hopeful that the good potty days will continue.

Still, being a self-proclaimed baby doesn't stop Emersyn from leaving... Before I got home, she pulled a plastic bag out of its holder, put one of her toys in it and told Chris bye. She then went to the door and said "be back". Of course then Emersyn changed course for the bench in the office, still carrying her "poohss" (purse - the plastic bag) with her. When I got home, she tried to take my purse, so I rummaged through all my old (knock-off) purses in the basement. I found a little one that fit Emersyn just perfect... and then she asked for "me suhgahsss". She added a sleep cloth, a little McDonalds toy, and a stuffed mini doll from one of her baby toys to her purse, picked up her monkey, and told us "bye mahmeee, be back dahdee". Then she spotted our keys hanging, and wanted some keys so she could "go caherr peazz mahmee"... I gave her the old fashioned keys (that I love) we have there. And then she put them in her purse so she could "go shop mahmee"... Seriously, do you think she's just a little bit mine?!?! LOL!!! I think you have to turn up the volume for this clip to really hear Emersyn talking. But yeah, there's no denying Emersyn's mine... with her little sunglasses on, (knock-off) coach purse over her arm and off to go shopping. She does say that she'll take Cuya ("eye-yah") and then, after a convincing licking, that Dobie ("dahbee") can come too. But then graciously invited "all" to go with her. And let me just say, that this was ALL HER!!! :)

Potty Like a Rockstar!!

It looks like we're officially starting potty training... at Emersyn's request. :)

So last night, we're getting ready to go upstairs for our little relaxing time before bed and Emersyn says "poop, mama, poop potty". I ask her, as is our normal 'procedure' if she needs to poop or if she already did, and she pointed to her diaper but also said "potty please". She was right, there was poop in her diaper so we (again) explained how we're very happy that she told us but if she tells us before she does it she can go on the potty. Naturally, she insisted on going to sit on the potty anyways... so I was telling her how if she goes on the potty all the time, she can wear special, pretty underwear. Not that I can find any underwear below a 2/3 or 2T, so I haven't gotten any for her yet... Brilliant thinker that I am, I remembered that we do have pull-ups for her already and that the pull-ups are all prettified these days. I gave her one to see and told her that if she goes on the potty, she can wear these special diapers. Emersyn's eyes got all big and she immediately said "I do mama".

Well, this morning she got up and was totally dry when Chris started getting her ready for daycare. He told that they don't even need to change her diaper this morning since it's all dry, and Emersyn said "I pee potty dahdee". Chris said before he could even say anything, she slid right off the bed and went in to our bathroom, put her little seat on the potty and was trying to climb up - little naked butt and all. To use his description, Chris said that he was worried for a second she wasn't going to stop because she had such a "big pee"! They finished getting ready, went downstairs for breakfast, and Emersyn instanty grabbed the pull-up that was still sitting there and said "I bring dahdee". Sure enough, the pull-up went to daycare with her and Emersyn told her teacher how she was going to go on the potty today.

And... drum roll please...

She did!

Emersyn told her teacher twice this morning that she wanted to "pee potty". Both times she was totally dry. Both times she peed on the potty. She did pee in her diaper right before lunch/nap, but they said that was because she went into the bathroom first and before they could help her, she sat her fully covered butt on the potty... falling in and then peeing while they were in the process of cleaning her up. But she still told them and they said they're pretty sure she was dry when she went in. Emersyn woke up from her nap dry, and peed on the potty again. Chris picked her up since he left work a little early, and on the way home she asked to go potty again, but Chris just couldn't get home fast enough and she pooped in her diaper. He said he felt so bad because she just kept saying "dahdee potty PLEASE"!! LOL! She stayed dry the whole rest of the evening at home though... and when Chris took her up to get her started for bedtime, she told him she wanted to go potty again. Sure enough, she was still dry and went pee and poop on the potty!!!

When I came up to take over, that's all she could say - "mama I potty", "I potty mama", "I poop potty mama"... So I told her that tomorrow morning she could wear one of the pretty diapers to daycare and even take some extra ones in case she needs another one, but that she had to keep going on the potty like she did today. "I do mahmee, I do potty" she said.

**Proud Mommy moments #19,359,999+!!!**

Tea Time

No matter what kind of HELL is going on in the rest of our life, there's always the amazing blessing of Emersyn... her innocence and just pure joy trumps pretty much everything else. Today, she even decided to show us something totally new - tea time! ;)

Ok, so Emersyn has seriously never done this before. The whole playing house or whatever is a first for us at home. She has a little kitchen set that was graciously passed to us from Audrey, but Emersyn's barely shown any interest in it. Emersyn was also given a cute little tea set when she was a couple months old and then another for Christmas, but again, she's hardly touched either of them.

And then, today she said "mahmeee sih" (Mommy sit) pointing to one of the chairs at her little table, and then proceded to hand me a tea pot and the little cakes that came with one of them. I did have to initiate the cups, but she took off with it. I even got to see the full fledge mimic stage in action as I pretended to stir some sugar into my cup and watched my gorgeous girl do the same with her cup after studying me very intently for a minute. It's the little things that really amaze me. I mean the major milestones are massively impressive - crawling, walking, talking, etc - but it's the small, seemingly insignificant things that are the biggest impact on my perspective of my baby girl. Saying "spiderman" or suddenly inviting me to tea time... these are the type of moments I look at and realize what a big girl Emersyn is, how grown up she's become already, and how fast the time is going by.

New Rain Boots & a New Puddle

This whole post pretty much needs no story with it... The only thing I'll say is that it stormed like all day today and then stopped about 2 minutes before I pulled in the driveway. But, with the giant puddle at the end of the court, it was still a great time to pull out the rain boots that were too big earlier this year when I bought them for Emersyn. Truth be told, they're still a little big but once they were on there just wasn't a chance that I was getting them off of Emersyn!

This is (obviously) before we went outside. I got Emersyn a few bracelets when I used my gymbucks a couple weeks ago, and she was very excited about them! So excited to go outside! The first "puddle"... not nearly as good as last time, so we moved to the end of the court (like the hillbillies we are) where there was a pretty good sized puddle for Emersyn. Notice how you can just see the tops of her socks over her boots... can you see how they're a nice rosey pink and white? Keep watching... See how magically the socks change colors?!?! LOL!
One last jump before we go inside and take a bath...

Seriously?!? WTF?!?

I would really like to know who we pissed off along the way.I mean, really, we must have done something that was pretty
rough...

We found out today that my brother has a 4 1/2 month old daughter. Yeah, because he does so well at taking care of the first kid he got after he knocked up a little crack whore, he had to do it again... with another little hussy. (You can laugh, but there's only so many "nice" words for these girls.) Oh, and let me also mention that this chick already has a kid. Yeah.

So, Patrick can't move out of my parents' house even though he doesn't actually come "home" ever. Not when my parents have his son, not to spend the night or get more clothes, not to give them any money for his bills or his son's tutition or anything else that gets paid for him. He sees Cameron less than we do, but he gets to have ANOTHER child. And not just another child, a healthy baby. A healthy baby girl.

Patrick and this girl get to pop out healthy babies like it's going out of style. Even though they aren't married. Even though they barely hold a job - this girl used to clean houses until she stole checks from one of the customers and forged them and Patrick has now gotten two jobs because of my mom's reputation and her begging. Even though they live with this girls mom, smoke, drink, and don't take care of the kids they already have separately. Even though they didn't plan this baby any more than they planned the other ones. Even though they didn't want her.

But where's our baby?!?! Our baby is in heaven. Our baby wasn't healthy enough to survive, she couldn't live. Our baby got kissed by her parents after she was delivered when her heart stopped. Our baby was wanted. Our baby was planned. Our baby could have been taken care of, with parents that could provide for her and that wanted her more than just about everything else in this world. We couldn't get our baby, but people like my brother and his girlfriend get to have three between them. We can't have a baby without going through hell and high water, and that's before the actual pregnancy... but they can be totally careless, having babies like it's nothing.

And who waits almost 5 months to tell their family that they've had a baby?!?! How overwhelmed with love for that little girl are you that you can actually keep it a secret?!?! I was so happy and excited and overflowing with love with both of our pregnancies that I can't even imagine not telling everyone I met. I was so proud and so happy. But Patrick was able to not tell us... or at least he kept it from Chris and I. Apparently, my parents and Cameron knew.

We only found out today because my dad thought that Patrick might bring Gabriella over while we were there, and he wanted to warn us. She was born in March, so it's not even like they only didn't tell us because of everything that happened with Brinley. So WTF?!?!?!?!

So could somebody please tell me, who I pissed off that I have to watch shit like this knowing that I not only can't have another baby but also get to worry about the health of the baby I did get to keep. I just want to know what we did to deserve it.

And then it's the whole idea that we've missed out on this little girl. I mean, yeah, it's difficult since we're finding out after we lost our little girl, but it's not like we would hold it again Gabriella... And it's not like I have anything against either of my niece's parents. I hate that we can't have a baby when we so desparately want another one when people in general can a healthy baby even though they aren't planning on it or don't exactly want... and that's not to say that Patrick and his girlfriend aren't madly in love with their little girl, but I can't imagine they sat down one day and planned to have a baby. But still, I would totally love that little girl just like I love Cameron...

But we've missed so many opportunites to love her. Emersyn has been missing out on seeing her baby cousin even though this one is just a few minutes away. And Emersyn fricking loves babies. I mean, this is a girl who has to go say "hi baby" to each of the babies in the infant room at daycare every single morning. Itsn't it enough that Emersyn had to miss out on her baby sister and all the joys that come there? Does she not deserve to meet her baby cousin? Is she not good enough to be Gabriella's cousin? She's ok to be around Cameron but not Cameron's sister? And on that same note, am I not a good enough Aunt? Am I not good enough to Cameron to deserve to even know about my niece? Would my presents not be good enough for this little girl? Is Chris not a good enough Uncle? Seriously.

Then we have that whole issue that it wasn't just Patrick not telling us. It was both of my parents! And it's not like they found out while everything was happening with Brinley so it was the whole "tell them when they've had time to deal with that" thing. I mean, Gabriella was born before we even had any idea that something could be wrong with Brinley. And everyone knew while his girlfriend was pregnant. I didn't like the situation when Cameron was born, but I never begruded anyone because of it. And although I grew to strongly dislike his mother, I couldn't even imagine holding anythign against this perfect, innocent little baby. And the same would stand true for Gabriella. Yes, it hurts that we lost our baby girl and they get to have one. Yes, I dislike the whole situation because I want better for my family. But at the same time, I love Cameron almost as much as I love Emersyn and Brinley, and I'm sure I would love Gabriella just like that. Especially knowing how big of a blessing any healthy baby is in general.

And we just did pictures in March of Cameron and Emersyn. Gabriella could have been a part of them. I could have bought her a little easter dress too... or gotten Emersyn and Cameron outfits that matched what Gabriella was wearing. She could have been a part of the pictures with her brother and cousin. It's just another (stupid maybe) thing that got missed. How cute would those pictures have been?!?!

I just don't understand. And I'm not trying to have a little pity party, but really is there something wrong with me? I could easily say there's something wrong with my brother for not telling anybody, but he told everyone except us. And everyone kept it from us. So what's wrong with us? :(

She's a Rock Star, a Baker & a Thrill Seeker!

Ok so this is a little hodge-podge of catch up randomness... Bear with me so I have a little of everything to post today.

21st :: My little rockstar! She actually pulled the guitar out herself and sat like this "playing" it for a solid 10 minutes. Emersyn even did a little dancing while she played and sang, but I wasn't quick enough to switch to video and catch that at all. Then today we started practicing for Emersyn's lego cake... We baked it and then went out to pick up some supplies and presents, but it took a little longer than expected so Emersyn did't get to help with the frosting/decorating attempts. And, it really wasn't anything worthy of even taking a picture of so lets just say we'll see what the next attempt looks like. But, the important part was that Emersyn obviously enjoyed baking again. ;) So our errands while the cakes were cooling were to hit Party City and Toys R Us if all went well... This is how excited Emersyn was to go to Party City though! I snapped this before we were totally out of our neighborhood! Emersyn was amazing in the party store - still a curious little toddler, but overall still really great. She walked pretty much the entire time and only had to be picked up once after she took off. Other than that, she understood what was expected and did just what we asked. So, we ventured to Toys R Us.

Emersyn is still little enough that we can get away with this, but we went to Toys R Us to get her birthday presents. Since we're doing the lego theme party, Chris and I aren't getting her legos. We figure it's kind of the obvious choice for everyone else to get her, so we're doing the lesser loved Calico Critters. We wanted to let Emersyn pick out what families she wanted and what accessories she wanted, to make sure that she loves them as much as she loves the Beagle family that she got at the beach. She's still so little, that we can go pick everything out and buy it, but Emersyn forgets all about it by the time it's in the car and we're home... I know come Christmas we won't be able to do that anymore, but for now we're taking advantage of it.

So as soon as we got to the isle we needed, I put Emersyn down to let her look at it all and pick what she wanted. As soon as she looked at what was in front of her, she took this deep breath, turned to me with a huge smile and just said "thank you momeee". It was adorable. So we picked out a few pieces and checked out, all with Emersyn walking nicely along with us. And, as a bonus, on the way out we let her do the little rides.

Now, let me say first that Emersyn normally won't even sit in a car one of these, much less ask to get in one. And of course we didn't even think about turning any of them on since, well, you saw the ride pictures in Myrtle Beach... But she actually asked (saying please and everything) to go from one ride to the other. She was so fricking happy just to sit on the horse or with Elmo... and she actually said (a version of) Spiderman when she wanted to ride with him. Too cute!

Last Video & Pictures to Match

Well, I finally got the very last video uploaded... which of course means that there will be another one like right away so I'm immediately behind again, but that's just the way it goes.

So this is a very short clip of Emersyn "hiding". We're still working on the whole hide-and-seek thing, but every so often Emersyn will hide herself and call you to come find her. It's cute. And, yes, the child is almost naked... again... I had to try a dress on her to seal the deal on which size to order her birthday pictures dress in. The compromise was that if Emersyn nicely tried on the tester dress, she could stay "naked" until we went up to bed. So, yeah, another half-naked-baby-clip. (20July)

Here's the one "good" attempt at getting a picture of Emersyn's "tattoos". Now you see why we resorted to the video. :) As always, all the pictures are at www.theswaderfarmily.shutterfly.com in the July album.